


Two Time Lords on a Boat

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1952730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten crashes into the Titanic. Nine is not impressed. Can they stop bickering long enough to solve the problem? Post Last of the Time Lords.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Time Lords on a Boat

  
_I was on board another ship once, they said that was unsinkable... I ended up clinging to an iceberg, it wasn't half cold._  
-The Ninth Doctor

***

The Doctor hated running into other versions of himself. It _never_ went well. On a few memorable occasions, there was even hair pulling.

But crashing the TARDIS into the Titanic and holding it suspended in some sort of time stasis was hitting a new low.

To make matters worse, his future self was some sort of… geeky pretty boy with sideburns and a suit that did nothing to match his footwear. Fantastic. He looked like an idiot. Clearly, he’d regenerated into some sort of basket case who couldn’t fly the TARDIS.

 _And_ he seemed on the verge of tears.

“Who flies their spaceship into the middle of the _Titanic_?!”

“Well, I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“This ship was supposed to hit an _iceberg_ —open any history book, that’s what it says.”

“I know my history—”

“Then what do you think you’re doing, crashing the TARDIS into the middle of this boat? Don’t much fancy having to clean up a paradox today.”

“It crashed into _me_!” said his other self, gesturing wildly. “Honestly, I was just trying to enter the vortex, minding my own business, and then there was a ship—a _ship_ in my TARDIS. _Why_ would I ever crash into the Titanic on purpose?”

“I’ve got a better question. _Why_ sideburns? Who looks in a mirror and thinks, ‘Blimey, sideburns would be a fantastic look. Better grow them out.’”

“I like my sideburns!”

“Of course you do.”

His other self blinked and then said, “How about we focus on the task at hand, hmm? The Titanic. Stuck in the middle of my TARDIS.”

“Right,” he said. “Good point. Well, best of luck with that.”

“Where are you going?” said his other self. “You can’t just—just take off!”

“Can,” he said, flashing a smile. “Got my own TARDIS. And it _doesn’t_ have a ship sticking into the middle of it. Besides, two TARDISes in the same place is practically asking for trouble. Probably best all around if I leave you to it. Bye then!”

“I—what?” said his other self. (He was, obviously, quite thick. Obviously there was some sort of trade-off between good looks and a functioning brain.) “Now, just… just hang on…”

His other self sprang— _literally_ , he _sprang_ —into his way.

“I need your help.”

They stared at each other.

His other self sighed, and scratched sheepishly at one ear. “I mean, I could… probably heroically save the day at the last minute, but it would certainly be easier if you… hung around.”

“I’ll tell you one thing,” he said. “These people? Most of them are stuck. They have to go down with this ship. Just like history meant it.”

His other self looked away, but then said, “Don’t you think I know that?” he hissed. “I’ve been doing this longer than you have.” He took a breath. “And… so much has happened. I could—I could tell you—”

“No, you couldn’t,” he said, alarmed now. “This is why I should go.”

His other self stared at him for a moment, and then broke out into a wide grin. “Well, then! Best we get a move on, eh?”

***

Maybe his other self—younger self—was right. Maybe he should just go. Any longer and he was going to blurt everything out. _Not all the Time Lords died. Just tell her. Tell Rose you love her. Don’t leave Jack behind. Don’t turn human to hide from the Family. Lucy is the one you have to watch out for. She’s the one with the gun._

It was never easy when incarnations met.

“Are you crying again?” asked his other self disinterestedly, studying the crash site with his sonic screwdriver.

“What? No!” he said. “I have an idea.”

“This should be great,” mumbled his other self. He forced a smile. “And?”

He put on his glasses and bent down to inspect the damage to the TARDIS. “Far as I see it, we get the Titanic out of the time vortex, and history should revert back to normal.”

His other self stopped smiling. “And we leave these people to the mercy of the sea. Just like history meant it.”

“Yes,” he said quietly. “Paradox avoided.”

His younger self chuckled. “First time out since the Time War and there’s only death.”

They glanced at each other.

He had to swallow and then he said, “It gets better.” He shouldn’t tell him. He _really_ shouldn’t. “You—I head out to London next, early 21st century. There’s a girl. Rose. That’s her name. Rose.”

His other self looked blank. Strange, that. Just as strange as the thought of a living Rose Tyler out there—a Rose he hadn’t met yet. A Rose who spent her days going to work and eating chips.

“Go back for her,” he said simply. It was the only thing he could say.

His other self looked a mixture of disbelief and suspicion.

“You’re not—” he began and then he shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Just wait.” There was a crash from somewhere inside the Titanic and he sprung to attention. “Right! Big unsinkable boat. Can’t _believe_ this is my fault. How does a ship like the Titanic get into the time vortex? _Anyway_ —hang on, what are you doing?”

***

“Saving the day. What does it _look_ like?”

His older self looked sulky. “But…”

“Don’t pout. It won’t work on me.”

His other self slowly closed his mouth.

“If I use the particle energy of the TARDIS,” he continued, flicking a switch on the console. “I could probably—”

“Expel it from the time vortex and set it back down on earth!” his other self cried. “Brilliant!”

They shared a smug smile. He was almost ready to consider that _perhaps_ his future self wasn’t as appalling as he’d originally thought, but then he bounded forward and hugged him. Hugged. Him.

“Yeah,” he said, gritting his teeth. “This is… nice.”

His other self pulled away, bottom lip wobbling. He rolled his eyes.

“Cry later,” he said. “Fix the TARDIS first.”

His older self pulled himself together, and he rushed over to the console to start the particlelization process.

“Here we are, then!” his other self said. “In business. TARDIS knows what she’s doing. Likely not any happier than we are, having this thing sticking out of her side. Which begs the question, how did it _get_ here? This is still a TARDIS, isn’t it? Nothing can get through those doors. _Well_ , I say nothing—”

“Will you shut up?” he snapped. “Beginning to get a headache.”

His older self popped his head up from under the console. “Don’t you want to know? Come on. I know you. You like a good mystery as well as I do.”

“What I want is to get on my TARDIS and be _off_ ,” he muttered. “Off this boat—off this stupid planet.”

His older self almost seemed sympathetic, but then a light blinked on the console.

“Ha!” said his other self, swinging around the TARDIS with a glint of triumph in his eyes. “I think we’ve got it. Next stop, icy depths of the Atlantic.”

“They called that ship unsinkable,” he said bitterly. “Humans. Name like that, they’re practically asking for it.”

His other self frowned and jammed his hands in his pockets. He opened his mouth slightly, looking like he was physically struggling to hold himself back.

“Good luck,” he finally said. Then he grinned and added, “Doctor.”

“You, too.” He paused. “At least I survive until you. Just… don’t fly the TARDIS into big historical events again. And don’t expect me to clean up the mess if you do.”

His other self’s grin did not disappear. “Will do!” He dropped a wink. “Also… try not to let go of that iceberg, hmm?”

“Wha—” he began, but his older self flicked on the particlelization beacon and he found himself back on the Titanic—which was heading bow first into the sea.

Fantastic.  



End file.
